Letter from Hell Reply-from Horatio
By Lady Laura

Hello, Jackass.

You call me Snotty, I call you jackass. Simple isn't it? Especially for your obseenly small brain. Yes, your letter did reach me, and some others it seems. I am a commander now, I have my own ship. She's a sloop, but she's a beauty.

So how are you, Jack? Keeping Satan company? my shoulder is fine, Captain Pellew saved my life from you, and I am very grateful to him. I will be forever. He told me it was because I saved the lives of all aboard his ship. Ever saved a life, Simpson?

You say it was gratifying to see me in pain? Well, it was good for me to see you die, Jack-no, scratch that. Archie should have seen you die. I have a idea of what you did to him, and thank god he'd recovered to live after all that torment and horror.

May I remind you, I never stole your commands. Your division works better now because they have someone who CARES about them, not just force them to make excuses for your absences while you tormented poor Archie. I brought attention to your failings aboard the Indy because I knew Captain Pellew would not stand by and watch you abuse me. Captain Keane may have not been very watchful, lieutenant Eccleston may have been too self-absorbed to notice what was so OBVIOUSLY going on to notice, but Captain Pellew is watchful and vigilent, he looks after his men.

You never had me, Jack. Even if I had died by your hand, I would have been smirking in heaven because I saw you beg at my feet. You really are a coward, and His Majesty's Navy has no use for cowards. Jack, you may have killed Clayton, but you never killed Archie. He was shot by a Spanish colonel on board the Renown, a ship of the line. He was a fourth lieutenant. Something you never were.

Referring to midshipmen as wharf rats? Why Jack, you are too ignorant! In your hasty way to bash midshipmen because you think I am one, you also slander yourself. I am a commander, and my first lieutenant is none other than William Bush. He's a bright man, I am glad to have him serving with me.

Midshipmen help hold our ship together. Drew Brandon, who was a midshipman, proved brighter then Dr. Heppelwhite, Henry Wellard could have made acting lieutenant had he lived long enough.

Don't you get it Jack, you will never break me. Get the idea out of your head 'cause it will never happen.

Why should I remember you, Jack? You're just a black mark in my life, nothing more. Thinking about you is not worth the energy.

Have a good time in Hell, trust me, you will never leave, Jackass.

Sincerly,
Commander Horatio Hornblower, HMS Retribution