The Rosie O'Connell Show
by Keeter

**music plays**

ROSIE: We have a great show for you today, three of the Royal Navy's most
promising Lieutenants. All serving aboard the HMS Renown, they recently
saved the RN from a major disaster certain sure. Please welcome aboard 2nd
Lt. William Bush!

**crowd cheers**

ROSIE: 3rd Lt. Horatio Hornblower!

**crowd cheers even louder**

ROSIE: And 4th Lt. Archie Kennedy!

**crowd goes ballistic nearly storming the stage**

**all three walk on stage looking resplendid in their dress u-nee-forms, and
each give Rosie a kiss on the cheek before taking their seats. Rosie
motions for the crowd to settle down**

ROSIE: Well, you three certainly have a way with the ladies...**crowd cheers
again** So tell us a little about yourselves, what are you doing now? Are
you still in the Navy?...Are you married? **again the crowd cheers** Mr.
Bush?

BUSH: Well, after the trial, I was given three weeks convalescence leave and
upon my return, was given the position of 1st Lt. aboard the HMS
Retribution. And yes, I am married. **crowd gives a collective disappointed
sigh**

ROSIE: Sorry girls, this one's taken. How long have you been married?

BUSH: Little over nine years now, Elizabeth and I have three beautiful
children, William Jr., Abigail, and Margaret.

ROSIE: And how old are they? Are they here today?

BUSH: No they're back in England, with Elizabeth. Will is 7, Abby is 6, and
my little Maggie just turned 3. **Bush reaches into is breast pocket and
pulls out pictures**

ROSIE: Oh aren't they sweet! **she holds them up for the camera to get a
close up and the crowd agrees** Maybe babysitting is an option girls...**yet
again, the crowd roars** But be careful, Maggie looks like she's a handful.

BUSH: Oh she is...just ask Uncle Horatio here. **Bush nudges Hornblower a
bit**

ROSIE: Oh? So tell us "Uncle Horatio," what have you been up to lately?

HORNBLOWER: **colors at mention of "Uncle Horatio"** Yes she IS quite a
mischief maker **he said clearing his throat** Well, after the trial, I was
promoted to Commander and was given command of the Retribution. A fine ship
and a fine crew, what more could a Captain ask for?

ROSIE: Indeed, and what about you Mr. Kennedy? You're looking fit for duty.

KENNEDY: Yes I am fully recovered of my injuries. After the trial, I was in
pretty rough shape. I was not expected to live. But I pulled through and was
given six months convalescence leave to recover fully. Hardest six months of
my life.

ROSIE: And why was that?

KENNEDY: Well after the first three months, I started to feel like my old
self again and I got very bored, 'cause there was nothing to do.

ROSIE: Well you certainly made up for it afterward. Tell us about France.

KENNEDY: Well after recovering, I was recruited into the spy business and
was sent into France undercover. I could tell you more, but I'd have to kill
you. **crowd laughs and Archie flashes that smile**

ROSIE: Now, you took a bullet? Or was it a slash to the midsection?

KENNEDY: No I took a bullet, and Mr. Bush took the slash. **pointing to Mr.
Bush** He has a scar, that long, across his ribs. **Archie gestured about 8
inches long**

ROSIE: Wow! Can we see it? What do you say girls, you want to see Mr.
Bush's scar? **the crowd cheers wildly**

BUSH: **shakes his head no** Not this time, maybe later.

ROSIE: What about you Mr. Kennedy, can we see your's?

KENNEDY: **Archie thinks for a minute, then starts to take off his coat**
**the crowd is roaring by this time, whistling is heard constantly**
**Archie removed his coat and weskit, then pulled up his shirt for
everyone** **a sympathetic "Oh" was heard as Archie placed his shirt back
down, tucking it in.**

ROSIE: **grimacing at the sight of the scar** That had to hurt...So...we
know that Mr. Bush is taken, what about you two? Are you seeing anyone?

KENNEDY: Well, I know Hora...I mean, Mr. Hornblower here has been seeing
someone, although I haven't met her yet...**Archie gave Horatio an elbow**

BUSH: Really? I haven't met her either...and who IS this lucky lady sir?

HORNBLOWER: Alright, alright, that's enough. With respect, I won't mention
her name but yes, I am seeing someone.
**another disappointed sigh from the crowd**

KENNEDY: Well, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, but it's hardly by
choice. The spy business isn't conducive to a stable family life. **the
crowd goes wild and girls start dropping like flies**

ROSIE: OK, now we'll take questions from the audience.

PERSON #1: **a girl stands up with a microphone in her hand** This question
is for Mr. Kennedy. Do you still have fits?

KENNEDY: No, I haven't had a fit in nearly four years now.

PERSON #2: Hi my name is Kristen and this question is for Mr. Hornblower. Is
it true that you are afeared of heights?

HORNBLOWER: **again he colors** Yes it is.

PERSON #2: What about the cliff jump then?

HORNBLOWER: Well, I didn't have time to think about it, I just did it. After
we were back on board the ship, THEN I was a little bothered by the whole
situation.

PERSON #3: Hi this question is for Mr. Bush. What was it like jumping off a
cliff?

BUSH: With these two? Absolutely terrifying! **Hornblower shot him a look
while Archie just laughed**

ROSIE: Well, it just so happens that we have a clip of that jump here today.
Watch this....**the screen changes to the cliff scene with a small inlay so
that the audience can see their reaction to watching themselves jump off a
cliff**

**Archie and Horatio watch as they drag poor Mr. Bush off the cliff,
commenting every now and then**

KENNEDY: The look on your face Will...bet you can swim now eh?

BUSH: Indeed!

ROSIE: Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks to our boys in blue
here, you gentlemen are welcome back on this show anytime. **They all kiss
Rosie goodbye and wave as they walk off stage** Be sure to catch us tomorrow
when we interview three of the RN's most able-bodied seamen, Matthews,
Styles, and Oldroyd. **crowd cheers** and don't miss us next week when we
kick off our "Villain's Week" with Black Charlie Hammond and Gunner's Mate
Hobbs. Plus our special musical guest, "Stormy Seas".

**music plays as the crowd cheers**
**fade to black**