THE SCREENPLAY
by Lady Atropos and the Cast and Crew

To Liz, the foriegn correspondant: Our Archie says Hi.
Without further ado, I give you:

THE NEXT NEXT NEXT INSTALLMENT, FEATURING BAGPIPES, DEAD DEFLATED MUPPETS,
AND OUR DEAR FRIEND ARCHIE...

[opening theme]
OPENING THEME: I shot the sheriff!
JACK SIMPSON: DON'T SHOOT ME! [okay, little flashback to The Duel]

scene, baby: Don't worry, just go wid da flow. It's all good...
[Simpson shoots the scene. Hornblower's eyes flash with a fire in their
brown depths. Quite pretty when he's angry, that one is... Barbara bursts
into tears.]

SKIPPY: Well, you know, the Scene's already been assassinated once before...
It could probably regenerate.
IMHOTEP: Like me?
ARCHIE: Or me? [walks into, er, place (scene wasn't there to enlighten us,
sniffle,) with bagpipes blasting, his arm over Scene's shoulder.]
PRODUCER: How can the scene have a shoulder?
BARB: Oh, you're back, thank God! [starts sobbing incoherently]
HORNBLOWER: Since when did you like Archie so much? [brown velvet eyes dart
in suspicion]
ARCHIE: Aren't you glad to see me?!
ALL: OH ME OH MY, ARCHIE'S ALIVE AGAIN! MY GOD!
MAN BEING FLOGGED: In French now!
ARCHIE: I don't know French. [shruggs shoulders and starts playing bagpipes
again.]
HORNBLOWER: Er, Archie, what exactly are those bagpipes made of? [looks at
the fuzzy, undulating sack with some little curiousity.]
ARCHIE: It's a plaid, dead deflated muppet. Would you like to have a go at
it? I caught it myself. [Hornblower, being tone-deaf, is not quite sure,
but Archie thrusts it upon him, and he gives it a tentative blow.]
PLAID, DEAD DEFLATED MUPPET: That's awful! You make me sound like a dying
wilderbeast! [pounces on the Iggie-Myster's head, and he goes stumbling
around in the background trying to pull it off.]

to be cont'd...